Narcissists always claim to be victims, play the victim's card, sometimes convincingly.

Codependents and people-pleasers use control from the bottom and victimhood. But so do narcissists. Many of them claim to have been devalued and discarded.

How to tell which is which?

Splitting (I am all good, they are all bad)

Non-discrimination (every girlfriend, spouse, business partner victimized them)

Self-pity

Ostentation coupled with goal orientation: celebrity, money, sex

Alloplastic defenses and an external locus of control: no responsibility or blame as a defense against shame and guilt (none of this was my fault, I am not responsible, I contributed nothing to my predicament)

Denial of misconduct or proportionality of response, grandiose morality, claims of coercion or brainwashing

Never apologize

Automatism (never reflect and analyze)

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