Retirement is nice. I have no intent whatsoever to return to the grind of making daily highlight videos. But as the pandemic-affected 2021-22 NBA season played out, one thought always lurked in the back of my mind: "A 2021-22 Full-ilation would be so sweet."

With "health and safety protocols" forcing teams to sign whatever NBA-caliber bodies their scouts could dredge up from foreign leagues, development leagues, and living-room couches, revisiting my yearly ritual of making a series of videos depicting the first field goal of every NBA player became more and more appealing to me. And now, here it is. I've made a rare emergence from my retirement to bless the internet with what has to be the scrubbiest Full-ilation that will ever exist.

Part one begins with the player who made the most field goals this season. Subsequent parts will feature players of worsening quality, culminating with the end of part five, where some unknown rando who made one field goal will make his appearance. As is tradition, I will be providing select commentary on some of the buckets found herein. Enjoy!
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0:00 I have unironically started saying "art of the midrange" whenever I splash one of these bad boys at the park.

0:06 You can hear Jokic yell "Користио сам онлајн преводиоца" here, which, when translated from Serbian, means "art of the midrange."

0:57 Will Miles Bridges ever appear in a full-ilation again? My money is on "no". Please note that, since I have suspended my Patreon, when I make references to "my money", that money only exists rhetorically.

1:06 This doesn't even look like real contact between Morant and Markkanen. It looks like some mid-90's PC game that uses rectangular prisms for collision detection because calculating actual collisions between limbs is too computationally expensive.

1:11 Kevin Durant's trade demands and ring-chasing have made him many enemies among the NBA fandom, but come on. How could you hate KD when he's canning wetty middies with such poise and beauty?

1:17 Instance #1 of my pristine work of art getting ruined by some overzealous 7-foot pogo stick committing a goaltend.

1:38 This is the point of the Lakers' season where only a subset of the fanbase hated Westbrook, not the entire fanbase.

1:58 The oddly zoomed-in Blazers video feed made me vomit no less than thirteen times while editing this video.

2:06 Terry Rozier: only one ANBAPQU (Average NBA Player Quality Unit) worse than Stephen Curry.

2:17 The Knicks' first bucket being this horrible Julius Randle monstrosity was an indicator of how the Knicks' season would go.

2:27 First player where I'm really caught off guard by how high in the FGM list they are.

2:53 Reggie Jackson being the Clipper with the most prolific bucketage is pretty weird given that he kinda sucked basically all season. Quick quiz: name the player who had the second-most total bucketage for the Clips.

3:23 Not all hook shots are sky-hooks. In fact, almost no hook shots are sky-hooks. This one certainly isn't.

4:04 Am I just being too much of a stickler for terminology here? Turn-around jumpers involve 180 degrees of rotation. This was 90 degrees at most.

4:35 Why is everything so red? It's like 50,000 gallons of watermelon-lava smoothie got dumped on the court.

5:02 Harden all the way in 65th position, making him one ANBAPQU worse than Jakob Poeltl. That matches my intuition about the relative quality of the two players.

5:12 Winning the award for "most stylish first field goal of a career", Jalen Green has a DTB-autographed Hot Pocket wrapper coming to him via standard mail.

5:22 The font I'm using has no apostrophes.

5:31 I thought this was "early season sauce", but I suppose it could also be considered "early season jelly".

5:58 The first and only non-statpadding assist of Westbrook's season (OWNED HARD LOL [lots of laughs])

6:43 I know a commentator who would have called this a sky hook.

6:53 28.3% on threes in 34 games for the Mavs is definitely "lethal". Lethal for the Mavs' winning chances that is OMEGALUL (observe my exuberant guffawing, always laughing unless lethargic)

7:32 The answer to our earlier quiz question. If you got it right, treat yourself to a Pop-Tart. You earned it, champ.

8:09 I don't quite agree with the assertion that having size is an "ability".

8:30 Why does the McDonald's logo have a typo?

8:39 It totally seemed like the commentator was going to tell us that Marcus Morris just set a career high with 47 points. That would be impressive given that 1.) it's his first bucket of the game, meaning he hit 44 free throws before this, and 2.) it's just halfway through the first quarter and his team has 18 points, meaning that, via some unprecedented league-imposed punishment, the Clippers started the game with negative points.

9:13 The "Antivax Kyrie" saga seems so long ago now. We need a new saga for him. It's not the full Kyrie experience without some sort of saga.

Part II: https://youtu.be/LgHJXbxWLs8