So you’ve decided you’re ready to have sex for the first time. What happens now?!
No worries, I got you covered.

The first thing to do is to talk with your partner about it. Tell them what you want, ask them what they want, and make sure you’re on the same page. That’s called consent! (and it’s sexy as hell!)

So let’s start with a reality check. You know those hot - steamy - sex scenes from your favorite tv shows? Yeah, your first time probably won’t be anything like that, or like porn either. Honestly, it might be a little awkward, maybe you’ll laugh, cry or even fart! And all of that is A-O-K. It can help to lean into the silliness and sweetness of our bodies and relationships, and try to have fun with any awkward stuff that comes up, together. This is why it’s important to talk with your partner beforehand, so you both feel comfortable.

Depending on what you’ve heard, watched or read, you might wonder whether sex will hurt .
First - remember that “sex” can mean a lot of different things. Anal, oral, fingering, using sex toys, vaginal - but what’s important is that you get to decide what “having sex for the first time” means for you.

If you have vaginal or anal sex for the first time, it may be uncomfortable, or feel good, or both!
Some people have a little pain and/or bleeding when a penis, fingers, or sex toys go into a vagina or anus, but it doesn’t happen to everybody. Oral sex doesn’t generally hurt, even the first time.


So let’s talk lube. Even though vaginas get wet on their own, you or your partner may still need some help from store-bought lube. This doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with you or your partner.

Lube is essential for anal sex. That’s because the anus doesn’t make its own lubrication and the skin in the anus and rectum is really delicate.

If your partner is doing something that hurts or makes you uncomfortable, speak up! There are lots of ways to give feedback and help your partner learn what feels good to you. That can sound like “less pressure,” “more pressure,” “I need more lube”. Your partner probably wants you to feel good, and you can help them succeed by giving them the info they need to make you feel right!

No matter what type of sex you’re having, go slowly at first, make sure you’re both relaxed, listen to your partner, and pay attention to how your body feels.

If you’re having pain from any type of sex that doesn’t go away, you can always talk with a doctor or nurse at your nearest Planned Parenthood health center.

You should also know that pregnancy can happen if you have sex where semen (aka cum) or pre-cum gets into a vagina or on or near a vulva (outside female genitals). It doesn’t matter if it's your first time or hundredth time having sex. There are millions of sperm cells in semen, and it only takes one tiny sperm to cause pregnancy.

Using birth control is the best way to prevent pregnancy. Using condoms protects you from both pregnancy and STIs.

Yep, STIs can spread through any type of sexual activity that involves skin-to-skin contact or contact with bodily fluids (like semen, vaginal fluids, or blood). Condoms and dental dams can help protect you.

One of the best ways to prepare for having sex is to talk with your partner about it.
Talk to them about getting tested for STIs, having safer sex, using birth control if needed, talk
about your fears and excitement and ways to have an enjoyable first time.

This is your experience. There’s no one way to have sex that’s better than another — whatever works for you and your partner, and makes you both feel good, is good sex.

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Planned Parenthood is the nation’s leading provider and advocate of high-quality, affordable health care for women, men, and young people, as well as the nation’s largest provider of sex education. With more than 600 health centers across the country, Planned Parenthood organizations serve all patients with care and compassion, with respect and without judgment. Through health centers, programs in schools and communities, and online resources, Planned Parenthood is a trusted source of reliable health information that allows people to make informed health decisions. We do all this because we care passionately about helping people lead healthier lives.