When we decide how to feel about someone, we’re making character judgments, and the primary criteria that shape these judgments are strength and warmth. So do we choose to project warmth, so people like us? Or do we instead show strength, so we command respect?

Matthew Kohut is co-author of Compelling People: The Hidden Qualities that Make Us Influential, and the managing partner of KNP Communications. His writing has appeared in publications ranging from Harvard Business Review to Newsweek.

This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at http://ted.com/tedx