Old Skewl Hacking: Porn Free!
Major Malfunction

Having cut his teeth (and scarred his mind) on hotel Infra-Red controlled TV systems, spent ten years scanning the skies for 'interesting' satellite feeds, in this, the 3rd in his series of 'Old Skewl Hacking' talks, Major Malfunction once again, and with great personal sacrifice, goes down on^winto the depths of late-night terrestrial broadcast television to determine how secure 'Pay Per View' / 'Pay Per Night' systems are, and if Debbie really did 'do' Dallas (she did). With a total disgregard for his own sanity and/or eyesight, he takes one for the team and forces himself through not just one, not just two, but possibly even three whole months^wnights^whours of terrible Cockney porn to uncover their darkest secrets (for those wishing to spare themselves from exposure to potentially harmful images from this talk, here's the executive summary: don't spend the £5, they cut out all the pink^wgood bits. There's better stuff for free on that there Internets).

Parental Advisory: Viewer discretion advised: Nudity, sex (moderate? nasty? who can say?), swearing, bad taste.

Defcon Kids Advisory: See Above! Get your Mom^wDad to bring you to this one! There will be a live demo. There will be BOOBIES! Anti-Sexism Advisory: Please don't Red Card me! I'm not trying to be a douchebag, but that's what they transmit: BOOBIES!

Health and Safety Advisory: Just say no. Stay away. Really.

Terms & conditions apply. You may be charged for entry. "Porn Free" or "Major Malfunction" will never appear on your bill. Always wipe clean after use.

Major Malfunction is a mystery wrapped in an enigma, wrapped in an old beach towel. He lives in a carefully constructed fantasy world of nuclear bunkers, clandestine meetings with taxi drivers at airports, satellite feeds and prohibited weapons.

This is what his neighbours have to say about him:

"He was always such a polite young man. He never caused any trouble, and kept himself to himself. They say it's always the quiet ones, don't they? Who knew? Who knew?"

"Somebody actually lives there???"

"Mr. Snuggles has never been quite the same..."

Twitter: @rfidiot
Facebook: adam.laurie.73