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The Onion's Future News From The Year 2137

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For More Breaking News: http://www.theonion.com/video

While other media outlets bring you news as it happens, only the Onion News Network has the power to bring you the news before it happens. In the year 2137 a catastrophe has reduced the world to a lawless wasteland — food and water are scarce, social institutions have crumbled, and a screaming, tattooed thug has been installed as the president of what remains of the United States.

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The Onion's Future News From The Year 2137

ONN Exclusive: One-On-One Interview With God

Horrified Subway Execs Assumed People Were Buying Footlongs To Share With A Friend

How To Channel Your Road Rage Into Cold, Calculating Road Revenge

Onion News Empire Official Trailer

Ohio Replaces Lethal Injection With Humane New Head-Ripping-Off Machine

🤭🤭🌰🌰🌎️🌏️Onion ...?🌰🌰😥😥📿onion news networkthe oniononionssatirecomedyfunny

Trump Voter Feels Betrayed By President After Reading 800 Pages Of Queer Feminist Theory

Parenting Expert Has Nerve To Tell You How To Raise Your Own Goddamn Kids

Colorado Boy Asks Nation Not To Find His Missing Little Brother

UNBELIEVABLE!! Kay Jewelers Recalls 2 Million Cursed Wedding Rings Amazing!!! - HD

New Marijuana Study Confirms Everyone Knows You're High And You Will Be Stoned Forever

Men Fired In Wake Of #MeToo Come Forward About How It Took Them Several Hours To Find New Jobs

Samsung Releases New Big Fucking TV

Small Town Throws Pride Parade For Only Gay Resident

Can You Hapless Fuckwits At Least Handle An Omelette?

Deadly Super Rainbow Tears Through West Coast

Study: Average Person Becomes Unhinged Psychotic When Alone In Own House

13-Year-Old Drinking Prodigy Accepted To Ohio State

CEO Worked Way Up From Son Of CEO

Friends Don't Understand How Man Not Depressed

Who's Fucking: Josh and Debra

CEO Says Office Shooting Could Not Have Come At A Worse Time For Company

Markets In Turmoil As Price Of Money Skyrockets To $90 A Dollar

Today Now! Is Back

New Premium Uber Service Lets Users Commandeer Any Car

BREAKING: Hundreds Feared Dead In Coors Light Party Train Crash

Company Immediately Calls Job Applicant Upon Seeing 'B.A. In Communications' On Résumé

High School Student, Teacher Applying For Same Summer Waitressing Job

Perfect One-Pot, Six-Pan, 10-Wok, 25-Baking Sheet Dinner

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