Behind every criticism is a wish. If I say “I wish,” I have to put myself out there. It means I want something and I can be refused. I can be rejected. I can be not heard. And in a relationship that is not secure, I will defend against that. I don’t want to show you that side of me. So instead of saying what I want, I’ll say what you didn’t do. That’s the criticism. What you didn’t do and what’s wrong with you is safer, in some bizarre way, than to tell you what is special about me and what I would’ve wanted.

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ABOUT ESTHER PEREL

Between her best-selling books, her TED talks (which have been viewed nearly 30 million times,) and her award-winning podcasts, Esther’s simple, yet insightful advice is positively impacting millions of people all over the globe from the bedroom to the boardroom. (Her new podcast series How’s Work? shifts her expertise from couples, to the stressors, conflicts and ever-changing dynamics of the workplace.)

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ABOUT THE KNOWLEDGE PROJECT

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