Boundaries and Emotional Warfare. How We Come to Fear Setting Boundaries in a Narcissistic Family. |
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A boundary can be defined as a barrier which separates two things. Healthy psychological boundaries between people mean that there is respect for others and the self and the beliefs, ideas, opinions, likes, dislikes and wants and needs of all parties.
A psychologically healthy person is aware that they do not have rights or ownership over another. Healthy boundaries create mutual trust. In narcissistic families, when a child attempts to assert their boundaries they will be punished and come to learn that it is safer not to set a boundary. In Joost Meerloo's book The Rape of the Mind, he discusses life in the land of 'Totalitaria' (a dictatorship) and how the citizens are affected by living under that kind of regime. I read some excerpts from the book and make comparisons to living under the rule of a narcissist. The function of the scapegoat in totalitarian societies makes interesting reading/listening. What is a boundary? 01.32 Struggling to assert boundaries 02.37 Joost Meerloo – brief biography 04.09 The similarities between a narcissistic family and a totalitarian state 06.44 Boundaries 07.20 Rigid boundaries 08.21 Porous boundaries 09.21 Healthy Boundaries 10.04 Types of boundaries 11.03 More examples of unhealthy boundaries 12.10 Enmeshment with the narcissistic parent/s 12.45 The child’s reaction to invasion/domination 13.17 Joost Meerloo – the totalitarian state quotes 13.33 Fear of expulsion from the system 14.39 Loss of a sense of self 16.39 Being watched and scapegoatism 19.07 Denial of reality 20.31 How does the leader maintain his power? 21.37 Totalitarian terror 22.38 Enemies of the regime and of ourselves 24.22 Fear, guilt and scapegoats 25.45 The frailty of empathy 26.27 Slander, smear campaigns 28.47 The need to belong 30.45 The demagogue is almost incapable of humour 32.06 The impossibility of combatting ravings with logic 34.41 Feigning, fainting defences 36.23 Looking for weakness in others 37.49 Controlling parents 38.43 A conforming and submissive child 39.16 The child supresses his instinctual needs 40.29 Repeating patterns of suppressing needs in adulthood 42.57 Pre-verbal communication with mother 44.11 Effects of a weak or no father figure 44.22 Punishment for non-conformity and dissent 46.22 Self-betrayal as a survival mechanism 47.35 Fear and terror 48.29 ‘Joining’ the enemy 49.14 Motivations of traitors 50.38 Who resists longer and why? 52.56 Know your enemy 53.28 Thought crimes 54.09 Submission or rebellion 54.53 Achieving freedom 57.08 Healing and setting boundaries https://childrenofnarcissists.org.uk/narcissists-and-unhealthy-boundaries/ https://childrenofnarcissists.org.uk/ |